published by simon & schuster (2023)
the last two books i’ve picked up, i haven’t been able to finish because i found neither of them gripping. i really needed something that was going to revv my reading engine, and by god was this it.
i pretty much finished this within 24 hours, which is something that never happens for me but i think is a testament to how hard this book is to put down (and if you have read it, you know the irony of that).
to write a book this expository and raw takes a level of bravery and inner peace i cant even imagine. i love the structure of it, because you start off in full swing, and sort of end by tapering off into the domesticity and regular joy she wishes for. in the beginning, lara does not give excuses, she does not explain her behavior, and she doesn’t even really make me root for her. as a reader, its clear that the choices made are that of an addict, someone who has no ambition of self-preservation. the way she describes the addict’s line of thinking and “logic” was so very real. when drugs are your primary energy source, all other things in life become in service to getting drugs. you don’t know WHY you’re acting poorly, but you do know that you are.
i think that the way she writes her experience in jail and within the american penal system is so incredibly poignant and cognizant of her unique experience as a white woman. she doesn’t ignore the experiences of POC/immigrant inmates, but she also doesn’t speak on those experiences as if she knows them like her own. she expresses many times that as traumatizing and horrendous her experience was, it was comparatively a cake-walk compared to the way most people of marginalized identities experience the judicial system.
“every sentence is a life sentence” really was one of the key messages in this book, and very effectively communicated. the probation, the inability to find housing or employment, the reputation and embarrassment and stigma and constant fear. what is most impressive is that lara is self-aware of her ability to embody and describe so many different kinds of experiences, to the point where she even gives backstory as to WHY she is so good at it. while not only narratively/structurally satisfying, it also helps me as a reader trust that any parts that weren’t specifically explained are intentional rather than oversight.
i think thats what strikes me the most about her writing: its a voice that is very easy to trust. perhaps because of her experience in holding in her hands the fragile stories of others, both as a co-writer, but also on behalf of her fellow inmates in G block. this trust as a reader, established very early on as she is unafraid to show her ass as a once very horrible person, really helps me follow and stick with her to the end.
so many parts of this book, especially near the end, will stay with me. i love how much she references back to ekhart tolle and the impact the power of now had on her. i love the way she describes her experience in india. how much she is grateful for each and every person who touched her or taught her throughout her journey. in the end, so much of the story reinforces my trust in the writer, which as a memoir, is really just a strong virtuous loop.
there is so much to learn from this book, but above all else, that to forgive others and yourself is paramount to learning exactly who you were meant to be. sending lara love hardin very much love and light <3
