teacher talk

in my day to day, im a music teacher. actually, i really struggle to call myself that sometimes; could be imposter syndrome, could be a lack of identity in the profession. ultimately, i love my students and i love seeing them grow, but i know that a music teaching job wont be a forever job for me.

however...

this weekend was our spring recital. this really is the most fulfilling, exciting and terrifying part of teaching music, because you witness your students undergo a level of stress and vulnerability that you pretty much don't ever see them in otherwise. i am an emotion sponge through and through, and seeing all the kids get in their heads about making sure they know their notes or what will happen if something goes wrong really gets to me. yet, that half a second after the student has finished their song and realized they've landed the metaphorical plane and are on the other side of it is like gold to me. truly what its all for. i have never felt that being a chronic empath (pause for groan) has been something beneficial to me; it has its moments where i feel it gives me a lot of emotional intelligence, but typically i feel pretty useless because i end up just as deep in the dark as whoever needs help in the first place. it really is so wonderful, though, to see my students overcome fear and feel so truly proud of themselves. its something that i think i forget as an adult; to choose to do something hard and then celebrate when that hard thing is done.

i saw this youtube series where this guy attempts to do one embarassing thing where he is well positioned to be rejected everyday, and i think that is exactly the kind of attitude i'm trying to take with me as i move forward in my music and life experience. i want to be the person who can do an entire stand-up comedy set after never having done anything even remotely like it, then completely bomb it, then laugh it off and move on unaffected. (dont worry guys i dont actually have any intention to start doing live comedy... just an example)

the best part about being a teacher is how much you learn, ironically. i feel like a much better and well-rounded musician because i've had to find so many different ways to explain similar concepts to different people and develop a very good understanding of them. i've started to widen my grasp of what is within my ability to teach and what really isn't. i've even started making other teacher friends and doing skill-exchange! there's a reason people say teaching is the most fulfilling and valuable job, and the most underrated and underpaid. i can feel the effect i have as a role model in these little musicians' lives, and its wild how much effort i put into making sure my music students have a better relationship to music lessons than i did growing up. my voice teacher would make me clean her toilet when i didn't do my theory homework, i was forced to sing songs i hated in languages i struggled to pronounce through for audiences i was terrified of in spaces i was uncomfortable in. i'm grateful for it, truly, and i wouldn't change a great deal of it now, but i want the students to come into my room knowing that i, as their guide, am just a palette they can pull colours from and paint their canvas however they want.

its weird how much i love this job and still don't fully lean into it. i think part of that is because i tend to aim far above my head career-wise, and part of it is because teachers' salaries are famously unlivable. either way, i think from here on out, i will always keep teaching as a part of my life in some capacity, because of its ability to ground me and help me remember what the things i love about music are. it is my job to teach those things to others, after all.

happy spring recital season music teachers + students!

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